In my skin

One of the questions I have learned in my over 5 years of couples’ therapy is to inquire, “What is it like to be in your skin right now?”  If I ask myself that today I come up with the following answers:  sore, grateful, sad, happy, trapped-feeling, joyous, glad, cold, dry, achy, isolated, accomplished, nose-picking, excited, tush-pained, rich, and ready for a 23524315 hour nap.  That is the tip of the list.   Thank goodness I have an example in Walt Whitman for this experience. He says, in “Song of Myself,”

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”

I feel this often, that I contradict myself.  Over and over.  How I wish sometimes that I could rest in the black and white.  It would feel so much safer.  But that is not my experience of myself.  I tried and tried for a long time to use words like, “never” and “always,” but have finally realized that those words are rarely helpful or accurate to describe my experience.

I feel glad that I am becoming more ease-full in resting in the shades of gray.

What is it like to be in your skin today?

Love, Natalie

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