Bouncy Ball

My life is one big blue bouncy ball right now.  I am bouncing as I type (special new skill) with our 13 week old baby strapped to my body.  He sleeps with the constant motion of the bouncing.  My thighs are becoming strong and my knee joints seem to be a little sad.  I keep reminding myself that this, too, shall pass and that one day he will not want me to bounce him on the blue bouncy ball.  When I am feeling tired I invite myself to remember the impermanence of these moments and that I can do some stretching to care for my muscles after bouncing him, sometimes for hours.  I love the subtle movements that the brilliant Alex Auder (www.maguyoga.com) teaches.  I am realizing, in my 44 year old body, that the giant asanas do not actually help me as much as soft, gentle, delicate movements into my tight fascia.  I wonder what muscles are being activated as I bounce up and down.  I try to engage my abdominal muscles when I can remember to do so.  I try to sit up tall on my ischial tuberosities.  During these first few months of welcoming this little being into our lives, I have experienced quite a few moments of falling deep into a hole of despair and grief and hopelessness.  The good news is that I knew enough to reach out to my most excellent psychiatrist and have my medication adjusted.  I also knew enough to tell the people around me that I was struggling and that I needed prayers. Another change that I made was to stop reading and listening to astrology forecasts.  I came to realize that I was starting to become compulsive about reading and listening, and that I was allowing the forecasts to influence how I experienced my days.  It is interesting the space that I feel after letting go of reading these writings.  One day at a time.  I do feel a bit lighter in my mood as a result of A) increased Lexapro and B) no astrological input.  I know that I can bounce down down down, quite low, AND that now I have the tools to bounce back up and function and enjoy my very beautiful, precious life.  Again, my life is one big blue bouncy ball.  I am on minute 62 now of bouncing with little Orion on my body.  Up and down.  Up and down.

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